I think I am really a bitch. I'm pushy, blunt, and it's annoying. I really don't mean to be anything but nice and friendly, but I have realized I am anything but that all the fucking time. I treat my boyfriend like shit and I know it and do nothing to change that. I claim to love him and I damn well know he loves me, he has stayed with me through all this time... and I show him nothing but pain and complaining.
I don't have any friends, and the people I should consider friends, I don't. My "friends" are never there and when they are I find it annoying when they are. They know nothing about me other than I'm "hot" and that I'm Tyler's girlfriend.
I can't communicate with people at all. If I try to greet anyone or make conversation, I "get told off." What the fuck? Did I do something wrong? Say something the wrong way? I went out with Tyler once to the bowling allie and so dude from no where shows up and asks Tyler if he smokes. NO!!! (he better not) Tyler had blue lips and the guy asks if Tyler is goth. He goes on about his life and so on, him and Tyler chating and I'm just standing there pissed and angry. I was nothing but rude to the guy and I meant to be. I didn't like him and I had not even known the guy but a minute. I all and all hated being there and I hated that guy being there.
Tyler's family takes me to the mall with them. Once again I hated being there. I didn't like the crowd, the noise, the space, the walking or the smell, I wished I was just home and in my bed asleep. I love being with Tyler, he makes me happy, but just the mall...err I hated it. Everywhere we go together I can't stand it.
I hate being alone, yet I stay in my room all day on my little computer doing my little internet things...I don't bother getting up to eat, and I'm never really get hungry anyway. I go to sleep in the mornings and wake up in the evenings, then get back online. I'm just waiting for Tyler call me or someone. I do hate it though when I pick up the phone and hear any other voice than his and I often say I need to go and I really don't.
When I did go to school, I had people talking to me, everywhere I turned someone I didn't know would walk up to me and say hi, talk to me for a second, I'd say hi and ignore everything else. I talked to my teachers more than I did the students and I sat alone and laid my head down during lunch, but then everyone comes over and sits beside me. They chatter and I put my 2 cents in sometimes.
Three months into the school year I had my tray dumped on my head by a oversized black chick and I knew I couldn't do shit without just getting my ass kicked, so I got up and took my chili covered over shirt off then walked away to the bathroom and cleaned my hair and of all the cafe food I'm almost glad I didn't eat. I got 3 days out of school suspendion and a well done from the staff. I spent that whole 3 days answering phone calls and questions all the same, 'what happened' and 'what did i do?' I had my tray of food dumped on me and I didn't do anything.
I came back to school and got alot of attendion and gossip...nothing bad just alot of "you should of punched her" and "why didn't you punch her?" As I have said before I would of got my ass kicked.
I'm somehow remembered as a tough chick and fighter...I beat up two people in my life and they were really bad fights but nothing to carry out as long as it did.
I do appear stronger and rather "large" when compared to any of the other girls but I am older and I have been known to grow faster (I was the only girl in the third grade wearing a bra...). I weighed 115lbs, nothing large about that I don't think...but the teachers said that probably why she picked me to bother. The girl wanted a fight in front of the whole grade and she didn't get one. She got a ticket and safe school, which sucked because thats where I wanted to be (Tyler also in safe school). I never thought much of it but it was made into a huge deal by everyone, then I just got really annoyed by the attention.
Shortly after I started homeschooling because a had some 'acid reflux' problem that hurt like hell and caused me to miss alot of school. Missing too many days od school=social services dealing with me and my family. That worked out so nicely to give a scare to me and family....I stay home all day and I really don't do the school part . I'm going to fail again and I don't care that much...
Tyler got in trouble again, I don't know whats going to be happening about that...I'll probably start my next year of school as unknown and by my self...kinda happy about that, but I want Tyler to be with me...
I saw Sid & Nancy the other day for the first time and it's scary how well that descibes me and Tyler. Minus all the drugs and you have another movie and it could be called "Mandy & Ty"....how nice? another example of love kills.